Chili's Lowers Standards To Attract New Employees

PROVIDENCE, RI—The banner rippling in the wind just outside the front door says it all: Accepting Applications From Great People. In a bold move, the Chili’s restaurant in Providence lowered the requirement for applicants in search of potential employment. The previous banner – up as recently as the beginning of the month – read: Now Hiring Excellent People.

"Let me just say right now," said company spokesman, Bob Underoos, "that anyone who’s already been with the company for any length of time is still required to function at the level at which they were hired in.

"The last thing I want to see is a bunch of great employees walking around doing a great job."

While the move came as no surprise to industry analysts, in light of the huge applicant turnout most wonder what took Chili’s so long to join the trend. Since late last year, for example, Red Robin’s hiring campaign asked potential applicants the question: Are You Good Enough?

The Round Table Service Industry...(deep breath)...Blog Carnival...whew!

It's haughty...it's hot...it's HERE:

The Don't Tip the Waiter edition of the "Round Table," Volume 5!

From Raging Server: "Think of RoundTable as a magazine, of sorts. It’s published weekly - and contains highlights & links from the absolute best posts from service industry-related blogs from all around the globe."

Here's the thing...the bloggers participating in this Blog Carnival have written far too many quality posts to simply pick one and call it a day. So, I'll include links to some of my favorites, but be sure to check out the rest of these blogs for the optimal reading experience.

Upset Waitress...the little vixen blogs about everything from toilet paper sticking out from an unknowing grannie's behind to her knack for intimidating even the best of customers. But often UW's rants go beyond the four walls of her restaurant and even include these parenting tips.

Before you think UW has gone over the edge, keep in mind that her imagination is fueled by the many months she's currently spending in a South Florida correctional facility for women. See ya on the third Saturday of the month, UW.

Bitchy Waitress..."Upset" and "Bitchy" waitresses? Beginning to notice a trend? BW -- her blog is titled At Least Call Me "Miss" -- caught my attention with relevant posts regarding a succession of bad shifts. Her take on restaurant guests often includes references to the "Spawn of Satan," "Douche Bag," and "Dick" (no last name, just Dick).

My favorite posts, however, convey an accurate depiction of a server's shift: what we go through, how much (or little) we make, and the tip-out process. Kudos to BW for informing the non-serving public. At the same time, I truly enjoyed reading her very first post, which reflects the name of her blog. Great stuff!

Rumor has it that BW lost her job with a corporate chain due to inappropriate behavior during a company picnic. Apparently, after tipping a few too many chilly ones, she stripped to her thong, jumped on a picnic table, and began to juggle the Italian sausage. When the sausage subsequentally fell to the ground, she'd wipe off the dirt on her thong. "That's when I knew she was hammered," said one teary-eyed co-worker. "She's normally a very good juggler."

Manuel...ah, Well Done Fillet. Well done blog, from top to bottom. Very difficult to choose a favorite from my good friend in Ireland, so I'll introduce you to this masterful writer with his take -- and photo -- (un) covering inappropriate guest wear...but be sure to go back over all his blog posts. Definitely worth the time.

By the way, when I asked Manuel how he consistently comes up with his creative posts, he said, "I keep the ideas coming with a constant flow of hookers and chocolate...no, I'm just kidding. I don't eat chocolate."

Raging Server...brutal, no-holds-barred posts, but my favorites are in the "ghetto" category -- which is only surpased in number of entries by "stupid people" and "hell" -- because he successfully captures the essence of this particular diner. He even writes the dialogue with an accent.

One of the best from the "Round Table's" founding father is his take on less-than-desireable guests and their offspring. Yes, it's harsh, yes, it's critical...and yes, it's accurate.

I don't wish to speak out of school, but it has come to my attention that, despite all the huff & puff, Raging Server is really a shy young female from Saskatchewan who was recently fired from her job at a local orange juice factory because she couldn't concentrate. I'm just saying.

Ali...this wonderful writer has numerous blogs, but El Vermino Boulevard is the one that easily caught my attention. Ali was one of the first to comment on this blog, and has been nothing but gracious since.

While there are many posts from which to choose, a personal favorite is called "On Forgetfullness, Forks, and Tampons." That pretty much covers it. Good stuff!

Ali, the trooper that she is, works far too hard and stays up way too late...as evidenced by the fact that after she gave her cat a bath, it took her "six hours to get all the hair off my tongue."

Cassy...the categories on her blog, 1/2 Server - 1/2 Amazing, alone are worth the price of admission. Two short posts from the "WOW! That Was A STUPID Question!" category stand out.

Again, it's probably not my place, but I've heard that when Cassy goes out to eat on her days off, she orders her meals in Pig-Latin, runs around the dining room with her arms outstretched making airplane sounds, and often drapes her underwear on the back of a nearby chair after leaving the bathroom to "let them air out."

Tony Dine...while it is extremely tempting to introduce Tony by way of the Guest Post he wrote for this blog, his blog -- Dine In Or Take Out -- includes quality writing about the service industry and beyond..."beyond" including how life imitates the restaurant industry.

One of my favorite posts captures the serving experience, especially the interaction between co-workers, as well as any I've found.

Tony is a former Marine, went to college at the University of North Carolina, and currently serves at a restaurant part-time. His full-time job is cleaning all of the cells at a South Florida correctional facilty for women.

(Note from Dennis: These are the participants of the Blog Carnival of which I'm aware. If I missed anyone, please e-mail me or leave a comment. Or don't. I'm tired.)

Peace.

Don't Tip the Waiter Hosts the "Round Table"

I've not posted anything about this yet, but I am part of an awesome networking group -- also known as a the Round Table Service Industry Blog Carnival -- organized by my friend Raging Server, with design assistance by his Raging Partner, Jason.

This concept is truly brilliant, and offers readers of participating blogs the opportunity to check out associated blogs they may have otherwise missed.

This is my week to host the Round Table, and tomorrow I will offer blurbs about -- and links to -- select posts from the blogs in our "Carnival." I will also include any incriminating info I can dig up (or make up, for that matter) to shed a bit more light on these people who, for unknown reasons, are allowed access to sharp objects and to mingle with the general public.

Peace,

- Dennis

Natural Disaster Theme Restaurant Opens In Bloomington

BLOOMINGTON, IN—A new restaurant, designed to treat diners to the effect of eating while in the midst of a natural disaster, opened in Bloomington last week to mixed reviews. The biggest knock against the concept, it seems, is the downtime for clean up the restaurant requires between each seating.

General Manager and part-owner, Marley Biggs, estimates the staff spends approximately four hours cleaning up the various dining rooms, in contrast to the roughly 45 minutes it takes for diners to consume their meals.

"We either need to hire more people," she said, "or figure out a way to streamline the cleanup process. I realize this is relatively new to most of us, and my employees are truly busting their asses to make it work, but we have to put a better system in place if we are going to eventually expand the way we would like…and anything over two, two-and-a-half hours for clean up is simply unacceptable.

"We saw this work to perfection in St. Louis," she continued. "I was there with my partners for a food and beverage trade show, and the proprietor of a local restaurant with a similar theme invited us over to check it out. It was one of the most unique dining experiences I’d ever had, and we all agreed it was something we thought we could make work.

"The Tornado Room waiter at the St. Louis restaurant was awesome, and from what I understand, the Earthquake Room was equally impressive. The thing is, we saw how they were able to pull this off, and light bulbs went on in our heads. We figured if they could do it there with a small, five-disaster restaurant, why couldn’t we bring the idea to our area and expand to 10, 15 — I don’t know…how many disasters are there?"

According to Biggs, when a customer makes a reservation — her facility can accommodate parties of up to 50 people — they have the option of choosing a specific room based on availability. In addition to the Tornado Room and the Earthquake Room, the restaurant boasts a Hurricane Room, the Flash Flood Room, the extremely popular Avalanche and Mudslide Rooms, and several variations of Tsunami and Typhoon Rooms which are used primarily for mid- to large-size banquets and parties. She said plans are in the works for a Forest Fire Room, but this has been delayed due to insurance requirements.

Back in the Tornado Room, tables are set with water glasses, polished silverware, a breadbasket and butter, and various condiments. The tablecloths are simple and elegant, but appropriately made of heavy vinyl for repelling spilled liquid and easier cleanup. There is no indication anywhere of impending doom.

After diners are seated, and drink and appetizer orders are taken, the lighting in the room dims considerably and the overhead sprinkler system goes on. The "rain" comes down, a very light mist at first that gradually increases to a steady shower. The wait staff hurries in with scaled-down umbrellas for the guests in their sections.

The patter of rain on the umbrellas seems to increase in tempo and a brisk wind rises from behind. Lights designed to simulate lightning flash menacingly, and the sound of thunder rolling in interrupts any conversation. Nothing can be heard over the gusts of wind, thunder, and warning sirens blaring from speakers hidden somewhere in the corners of the room. At this point, guests are in the middle of a torrential downpour — with water flowing freely over the edges of extended umbrellas and BB-size "hail" bouncing off the table and floor. The hail feels cold and seems to increase in size as it begins to inflict at least minor damage to the exposed glassware and table settings.

After an appropriate amount of time, the warning sirens grow even louder and their duration longer, drowning virtually every sound other than the spitting hail and water. A look around finds other diners increasingly poised to take cover, some already half under their tables, as the room glows an eerie green.

Soon everyone ditches their umbrellas for the relative safety of the table bases, which are slightly elevated on individual islands. Guests watch as the rainwater gathers in puddles, and then separates in all directions as it gains momentum down random paths toward the drainage areas at the sides of the room.

The fierce wind that blew debris across place settings and displaced anything of insufficient weight just seconds ago dies almost completely, and time is suspended during — quite literally — the calm before the storm.

From seemingly nowhere, the Tornado Waiter "touches down" with a leap from an unseen perch. He truly resembles a human funnel cloud as he proceeds to cause havoc in isolated spots in the dining room, running and spinning at what seems like an impossible speed of rotation, bumping and upsetting the various coffee and water stations setup throughout the dining room, flailing his arms and legs, crashing and breaking objects with aggressive swipes across random tabletops — devastating virtually everything that dares cross his haphazard path until — well-protected under the tables and chairs, and amid the broken glass and plates, diners hear…nothing.

The initial storm has passed, and the sounds of light rain and distant thunder are interrupted by the pierce of the "all clear" siren.

On cue, the servers and busboys come out from wherever it is they take cover, and again greet their respective tables, helping guests off the floor when necessary. Diners stand and brush off their clothing — wringing out shirtsleeves & jackets and closing umbrellas — all the while scanning the interior to assess the damage.

Conversation, in the form of hesitant probes, begins again. "Is everyone okay?" "Does anyone else need a drink?" One lady searches frantically for her young son, and is visibly relieved when informed he simply wandered into the Tsunami Room during the tornado.

Some guests meander on the sidelines, then — after the staff returns the dining room to some semblance of order — re-seat themselves, looking forward to the meal and conversation still ahead. At the same time, the unspoken question lingers in the damp, musty air: when does this ordeal happen again?

Afterward, a group of diners gathered at the door getting ready to leave. "I have to give that wait staff credit," said one guest. "They are very good but, for obvious reasons, the service here is somewhat slow."

When asked his opinion of the food quality, he looked puzzled. "They serve food here?"

Waitress Reveals: "Worker's Comp Not As Cool As I Thought It Would Be"

NASHVILLE, TN—Surprising her friends, family, and even herself, waitress Sarah Tansen — who has been out of work for almost three weeks due to a nagging ankle injury — said staying home and collecting worker’s compensation is not nearly as fun as she thought it would be, and is "actually kinda boring."

The waitress at the Red Robin restaurant slipped at the end of a shift earlier this month, and re-aggravated the ankle sprain she sustained last year while at a previous job. Initially, Tansen said, she couldn’t believe her good fortune. The injury, while not expected to require surgery or cause permanent damage, was just the opportunity she thought she was waiting for to experience the wonders of worker’s compensation.

"I really wanted to try out worker’s comp after I got hurt last year," Tansen said. "This is something I’ve thought about doing for a while. So when the doctor told me to stay off my ankle after this latest slip, I was like 'woo hoo.' And I’m gonna get paid for this?"

When she returned home after receiving the news from her doctor, she plopped down in the middle of her living room — actually, her new crutches tripped her up — and thought about all the cool and exciting things that she was going to do. "I knew I had to take it easy, but I figured I could finally set up my apartment the way I always planned, I would fit in all the shopping I never seem to have time for, and I’ve always wanted to learn Japanese."

Soon after, however, as she mentally crossed one unrealistic activity after another off her list, a deep depression set in, along with an unbearable degree of pain in her ankle. "I forgot to fill the subscription for my pain medication when I left the doctor, and whatever he gave me at his office was wearing off fast."

When Tansen attempted to call someone for assistance, she quickly realized her new routine — awake during the day and asleep at night — is in complete contrast to her friends’ schedules.

"That’s when it hit me that all my friends are people I work with. I’m not one to judge, but those bitches sleep all day, and get up just in time to go to work. Then they’re out after work until the bar closes.

"Maybe it’s time they thought about growing up."

Tansen said the injury requires her to use crutches to move anywhere not in hopping distance, and relegated her to a life of watching television, surfing the Internet (until her computer went down), and eating whatever she can carry home from a nearby convenience store.

"I can’t do anything." Tansen was sprawled out on her couch, her foot propped up on two pillows. She arranged the items she requires most frequently — three different kinds of Doritos, a two-liter bottle of Faygo Moon Mist, and a sandwich bag filled with sticky, skunky, red-green marijuana for "medicinal purposes" — within reach, though these items fight for space with dozens of empty plates, glasses, and beer bottles.

"I mean, my apartment’s trashed, my car’s a stick-shift so I can’t drive anywhere, and I can’t quite get the hang of how to use these crutches...so even laboring up to the corner store is like someone’s idea of a bad joke. I had to carry this two-liter back home by gripping the top of the bottle in my teeth.

"That looked real lady-like."

Tansen said that since her computer got a virus last week, there is little to do other than watch TV all day and even that’s become a chore. "Yesterday I couldn’t find the remote control so I stood there in front of the TV like a jackass, pushing the channel buttons on the cable box in time to each hop.

"I have over three hundred channels. That’s a hell they don’t tell you about in Sunday school."

On a bright note, while this experience hasn’t been the carefree vacation she anticipated, Tansen said she’s had ample time to rest and has a new appreciation for her job. She also figures she’s learned a lot more by being at home and not going out every night.

"Did you know that the tiger shark — due to its aggressive nature and frequent proximity to people — is the shark most dangerous to humans in terms of fatalities? I always thought it was the Jaws shark.

"I’ve become an expert on all kinds of interesting subjects. I can count to four in Japanese — ichi, ni, san, shi — Jack McCoy is the best Assistant District Attorney on the planet, and I’m pretty sure that JonBenet Ramsey case was a suicide."